The story I posted up a few days ago had been written a few months ago. I’m not sure why I held onto it but it felt right at the time.
The birthing woman would like me to add this as a post script, however I thought it deserved it’s own post.
I wanted to add a small postscript to my birth story.
Since writing about Brydda’s birth, I have come to terms with the experience. I no longer regret anything about the birth, but I do think I understand why it was so hard. I see now that although I had researched a lot about pain relief techniques, I had not actively practised them, and in my mind I battled every contraction. I was never able to completely surrender to my body, and when it got tough, I stopped believing that I could do it. But I did do it.
I had thought I researched natural birth, but I did not know enough about the mechanics of labour and I did not know my own pelvis. Attending Lisa’s Traditional Midwifery workshop has helped monumentally in understanding that my birth wasn’t problematic, it was completely normal. Thankyou Lisa for your wisdom- my admiration and affection for you just keeps growing and growing. I can’t see that anything needs to be justified- I was struggling and I asked for your help in complete trust. You gave it. You were ‘with’ me as a midwife should be.
Seven months on, parenthood has been fertile soil for my capacity for love, bliss and compassion, yet also perilous for my mental health. If I do ever have another baby, I will trust that my body can birth. This is not based on the catchphrase that ‘women have birthed naturally for millions of years’, but on the concrete knowledge that my own, imperfect, beautiful body is fundamentally capable of transforming and opening itself to deliver my child safely.
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Thank you for sharing! I’m thrilled to hear your reflections. Yes, perfect body, so true. I look forward to hearing about future births.
Thank you for this beautiful postscript. Your story moved me immensely and this even more so. I always hope when I hear women say “I’m not thinking about the birth, it’ll all be fine, I haven’t done any reading/research/watched or read any birth stories” that they are often disempowering themselves. I know I did with my first birth. I had done some research but like you hadn’t actually ‘practiced’. Prolonged prodromal and a very long labour undid me. It’s not about luck it’s about body awareness.
Again thank you. Yours is a powerful story. xxx
thanks for sharing this and the original story. i have also found the way i think about my homebirth changes over time and i am beginning to understand how i fought my body thru the process. birth and parenthood offers so many mirrors for the rest of life, that it is overwhelming sometimes, but so helpful if I can let it be that.
lots of love to your family
This is so incredibly helpful to me! Thank you so much for sharing! I just had the epiphany myself that I fought my body during labor instead of trusting it. I am due again in September and I am doing LOTS of reading in an effort to learn from others’ stories and gain a mindset that will let me trust my body.
I am also relieved to find that I am not the only one who had a difficult first birthing experience.