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Have you noticed that most aliens look just like us except for a minor abnormality or two. Like pointed ears or three eyes. So it is with coneheads. They have a huge, elongated head to accommodate their huge brain. But if they are so smart how come they are still birthing babies out of their vagina huh?

Coneheads – The Birth Spasm

As you might expect, Coneheads is a rather daft movie about a couple of aliens, Beldar and Prymatt, whose spaceship crash lands on earth. Unable to return home they have to integrate themselves into human suburbia until a rescue ship arrives (many years later). This they do with remarkable ease. Nobody except the immigration service is much suspicious of their peculiarities. A short time later they have a baby daughter and through the powers of time dilation are quickly experiencing the joys of teenage angst like the rest of us. Coneheads provides quite a few laughs. Nothing deep, just good family fun.

So What About The Birth Scene?

Were you honestly anticipating a birth scene that was remotely realistic? Come on, advanced aliens, they must have developed some superior birthing mechanism. Unfortunately not. What we get is a fairly absurd, yet formulaic hospital birth scene. What a shame. This one had the potential to be truly absurd.

I think the most memorable part of the birth scene is when the birth spasm starts and Prymatt Conehead’s waters break. An almighty bathtub of amniotic fluid crashes to the floor and floods the room. We are then whisked to the hospital for the birth. Alas, there’s nothing eye opening here. It’s purposely farcical, so hardly worth nitpicking and takes quite the opposite approach to Monty Python’s Meaning Of Life. We don’t even get to see the baby – just a little cone headed silhouette. But watch the doctor give it a slap to bring it about.

So what can we learn from this scene? Is medical intervention the savior of human advancement? No, we would do better to evolve a cone head for a larger brain and optimum passage through the vagina.

Stickler Awards

1. At the end of the birth the Doctor’s gown is very wet, but when they cut the cord it is dry.
2. Despite my remark about a conehead being optimised for vaginal delivery the baby is clearly breech. Simply note the timing of the birth and the speed at which the baby is lifted up by the feet.